Dixie, the Wonderdog, turned 13 yesterday!

Starting my second week of trying to survive the Aussie Flu and I managed to infect the Wonderspouse. Happy Wednesday, all!

Love and Hearts and Stuff

“Love doesn’t just sit there, like a stone. It has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new.” ~ Ursula K. Le Guin

I’m sick with a painful chesty cough and a fever. It’s not fair to have breast cancer and flu.

However, today I received the letter telling me when my appointment with the oncologist is. Approximately two weeks from now. And then I’ll probably start chemo two weeks after that. But I must get well.

Valentine’s Day is a weird holiday. We rarely celebrate it. Everyday is Valentine’s Day for us. And our anniversary is just a couple of weeks away. However, the Wonderspouse brought home red roses last night. And he’s cooking a special Valentine’s Day dinner. I’m blessed.

Wishing all of you love.

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From Susan Branch. I needed these reminders.

Another Word for Love

They say
that cancer
of the breast
is a path

you walk

The truth is
nothing
will ever
be the same
again

Maybe
nothing
ever is

It would be easy
to look at it
as just another
problem
to be solved
but there is
no solution

There is
treatment

It keeps you alive
a little longer

It isn’t a cure

there is no cure
for death

The truth is
we are always
walking towards
death

Cancer is
a not very silent
alarm
reminding us
the end of our path
is near

And so
all those things
we put off

Healthy foods,
exercise for the body,
solace for the mind
becomes a need
not a choice

And then
there are days
like today

Where I sit
slumped
on my old
beat up sofa
looking out
the window
at a gray English
winter day
with a bright red amaryllis
blooming her heart out

While my mind
catalogs memories
happy ones
forgotten ones
curious ones

but no sad ones
no angry resentful ones

They haven’t
been invited
to this party

With the pain
my mind tumbles
in slow motion

I remember
the smell
of a vegetarian quiche
and the smile
on my little boy’s face
and the feeling of pride
in my fatigued heart

and love

I remember love

This path
of the woman
with half a breast
is always moving
in the direction
of love

There is fear
and pain
and isolation
but always
the mind and heart
join forces
turning my face
in the direction
of love

This cancer of the breast
is just another word
for love.

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Zen and the Art of Breast Cancer

Mostly, I’ve found a kind of calmness. I’ve been reading the Tao. Still, the cruelty of the current geopolitical climate can still send me reeling and I forget who I am for a bit. I forget to give Love because it’s all Love.

My surgery to remove the cancerous growths in my breast is on Tuesday. On Monday I have to go into the hospital briefly to be injected with isotopes for the sentinel lymph node removal. And then at the hospital at 7:30 am the next day.

I’m signing off social networking and the inter webs now so I can find my Zen and breathe it, be it.

Catch you on the flip side.

Blessings.

In the meantime, here’s a pretty photograph of the Pacific on the Mendocino Coast of California from 2012.

image

Balconies. Royal Street, French Quarter, Louisiana… September 2014