An Old Love Letter

You asked me why I loved you
And I was stunned
And then puzzled
When i realised
I had not already told you

And then I remembered
I had only recently
Told myself
I loved you at all

Because the truth is
I tried not to love you
Because the truth is
I’m a bit of a coward

I talk a lot about love
About how important
It is to have the courage
To always love
And when you fall
To get back up
And love again

But I was afraid
Of loving you

I read a quote today
“As he read,
I fell in love
the way you fall
asleep: slowly,
and then all at once.”
— John Green
(The Fault in Our Stars)

That’s what happened to me
First I read you
And crushed badly
I thought that
Would be enough
But I see me
Than you see me

I see an invisible girl
While you see a girl
Made of light
I often wonder
If we are talking
About the same girl

You look at me
With sad eyes
When I ask that
Crush my hair
In your hands
Pull me close
And murmur
“Sweet baby”
In my my ear
It’s a warning
But the words shoot
Straight to my heart
And my cunt

And I think
Maybe no one
Has ever seen me
Before you

So I suppose
That is one
Of the reasons
I love you
Because you
See me
Looked past
My masks
And wanted
The broken girl

But you don’t see
Her as broken
You see her as
Yours to break

The truth is
I have tried
To leave you
Three times now

The first time
You said
I’ll never let
You go.

The second time
When the complications
Seemed insurmountable
You said find a way for an us
When I hesitated
Leaned on the comfort
Of my fear
You said

You said
We love this through

I’ll always love you
For that alone

The third time
I tried to leave
Because everyone
Seemed to be hurting
You said
Protect yourself
If you need to
But please
Don’t ditch me

Please don’t ditch me

And then I knew
Or finally admitted
To the knowing
That you held my heart
In your hands
And it would never
Completely belong
To me again

And I said the words
That had been hiding
In my heart
I Love You

Which brings us back
To why I love you
Which is different
From what about you
Do I love

I love you
Because your voice
You words
Breathe me
Back together again

I love you because
Your heart is so big
It enfolds me in its warmth
And it bathes me in magic

I love you because
The chemistry of
You and I
Is the biggest
Ball of molten
Fire I have
Ever known
And nothing
Will ever quench it

I love you because
I love who you see
When you look at me

I love you because
You refuse to give
Up on me even
When I’ve given
Up on myself

I love you
Because when
I’m hurting
You know
You can’t fix it
But you never
Stop loving me
And you pray
With all your heart
That it will
Be enough
And it is

I love you
Because with
Every breath
I take I want
To hold you close
Until our breathing
Becomes one
And this crazy
World is finally
At our mercy

I love you
Because when
I worry about
And Oceans
And Time
You whisper
“Voo Doo, sweet baby”
Softly in my ear
Like an incantation
Of love

I love you
Because our passion
For each other
Is so great
We literally
Recreate all of
Existence with it

I love you
Because the boy in you
Dances with the girl in me
And the sky cracks with
The fierceness of our fucking
The stars fall
And bathe us in their light
And everything that is
Is in us

I love you
Because you make me believe

I love you


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