I have been thinking
about silence
today

Embracing it
Listening to it

There is that
lovely silence
born out of
connection

And that forced silence
that occurs
when you are afraid
to speak
to make a sound

And then there is
that silence
that slips
through the cracks
when living
is just too
overwhelming

When you have reached
your limit
for awhile

You close your eyes
go still
silent
and wait

Yesterday
I saw where I will
be receiving
my chemo treatments
for the next
five months

I have a list
of all the possible
dire side effects

Some of them traumatic
like the loss of your hair
and your eyebrows

Some of them deadly
like septicaemia

The oncology people
are worried about me

It’s in their eyes,
their gestures,
their softened voices,
the way they feel the need
to just touch me
as if they could hold me here
with their touch
alone

So today
I have been
in a state
of too much

too much to think
too much to dream

I am quiet

The silence around me
is a heavy cloud
shielding me
from the harsh
realities of living

Slow
measured
breaths

Until I wake up
Again