some days
I can’t think
some days
I can’t
even
make words
can’t talk
he knows
all the pieces of me
some days
I don’t have to talk
he knows
what I can’t say
but it scares me
this sea fog
I’m lost in
they say the poison
killing the poison
can make your brain swell
cause the brain
to rearrange itself
into something
other
I try to ride it out
like the surf
at Ma’alea Bay
I know
I’m going to tumble
that the sea
will spit me out
I just
try
to focus
on not
being swallowed
like Jonah
and the whale
But I can’t focus
I can’t think
some days
I practice
lying still
not thinking
not trying
just not dying
19 May 2018