feelings, recovery, the love of a dog

I am feeling very much under the weather today. Recovery from a year of cancer treatment isn’t going well. Bone scan with the ever so precious radioisotopes is happening on Monday. However, Katie is taking care of me. I love my dogs.

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Sing for Me

And if

I place my lips

just so

will you sing for me?

25 June 2018
from the English Channel

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Crossroads

It is summer
and I am ill
falling
fast

I am listening
to the blues
to Robert Johnson
and wondering
about crossroads
and old roads
and intersecting paths
and the old ways
chants heard
in lush green leaves
prayers
and blessings
witchcraft

It is summer
and I am surrounded
by roses
and lavender
and geraniums
and hanging baskets
with unknown flowers
cascading
over the sides
like a floral invocation
to unnamed goddesses
everywhere

The wind
blows
in the afternoon
It no longer
plays havoc
with my curls
They’re gone away now
wherever it is
illness takes them

At night the air stills
stars sparkle
and glitter
like you once said
my eyes did

It is summer
and I am surviving

loss
and renewal
and relentless sickness
and time
in all its
temporary majesty

20 June 2018
on the Sussex Coast

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the fragility of summer

Chemo Blues

Today has been a gruesome one. Day 3 after my third cycle of chemo.

I had to cancel my therapy appointment again:(

Too sick to get out of bed. Even with a reduced chemo dose I’m existing on anti-sickness meds but no mysterious fevers. So there’s that.

What do you do when you’re too sick to get out of bed? You take pics of your loyal and very beautiful Springer Spaniel.

The Spaniel spreading her love like a fever (apologies to BRMC):

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Dance and Fall: Chemo poetry

They gather around
ghosts
and loves
and stars
and Moon

I try
to dance
with them all
stumble
and fall

They falter
and wait
until I can dance
again

and I do

9 May 2018