A Ramble on Quality of Life

Quality of Life is a recurring theme in my appointments with cancer doctors. Some people’s bodies and minds adjust quite well. Some don’t. I’m in the latter category. They remind me of the myriad of preexisting conditions and traumas my body had experienced before cancer and the trauma of treatment. Apparently my body is tired and a bit worn out.

I woke up in the middle of the night in pain and overcome by nausea and that sinking feeling knowing I wouldn’t fall asleep again and the exhaustion of trying to accept the realities of my new post cancer life.

Sometimes I think it would be better if there was no before for comparison. Sometimes I wonder if surviving cancer is the right thing, the kind thing. I am trying to find something I can do with these last years and my lack of mobility. I think I would like to be a student again. I loved college. I was good at being a student. So maybe my hobby will be learning.

Sorry. Rambling thoughts. I didn’t sleep. My head hurts. That phantom place where the incision was made hurts. Damaged nerves. Damaged lives.

Blessings.

by Josephine Robin Dalton
Not particularly a relevant photo other than it being a revered place of learning. Radcliffe Camera, Oxford ~ October 2010

 

Battles with the Male Medical Ego

I’ve run up against the Male Medical Ego, head first. Yes, again. I still live in hope that those creatures will become extinct.

As they insist in treating a sinus infection, which they are adamant is viral and which I am equally adamant isn’t (I should know as I’ve had two sinus surgeries for the damn things), with amoxicillin which hasn’t worked on me since I was 10, I am too sick for chemotherapy. I am too sick for radiotherapy and I will continue to be too sick.

So all cancer treatment has been suspended. In all fairness, I think my existence has escaped their attention at this point.

On a positive note, I have a 74% chance of survival from the surgery alone.

My throat hurts. My face hurts. My head hurts. My glands hurt. I’m pretty pissed off.

Here’s a pretty picture of me in my latest sun hat.

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