Sing for Me

And if

I place my lips

just so

will you sing for me?

25 June 2018
from the English Channel

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Chemo Blues

Today has been a gruesome one. Day 3 after my third cycle of chemo.

I had to cancel my therapy appointment again:(

Too sick to get out of bed. Even with a reduced chemo dose I’m existing on anti-sickness meds but no mysterious fevers. So there’s that.

What do you do when you’re too sick to get out of bed? You take pics of your loyal and very beautiful Springer Spaniel.

The Spaniel spreading her love like a fever (apologies to BRMC):

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Dance and Fall: Chemo poetry

They gather around
ghosts
and loves
and stars
and Moon

I try
to dance
with them all
stumble
and fall

They falter
and wait
until I can dance
again

and I do

9 May 2018

Chemo Yesterday

Cycle 3 of 6 Chemo treatments happened yesterday morning, although, at a reduced dose.

I don’t know but I’m guessing I won’t feel like making words for awhile.

I don’t feel like making words now.

I don’t know if it’s silly and futile to try to maintain a blog while going through cancer treatment but for the moment I’m trying to persist.

On Tuesday I was in the hospital for pre-chemo blood work.

I’ve recently discovered the poet, Alice Oswald.

While I was waiting I read her poem:

DUNT: A POEM FOR A DRIED-UP RIVER

I like this first verse:

Very small and damaged and quite dry,
a Roman water nymph made of bone
tries to summon a river out of limestone

I like the idea of summoning rivers.

Blessings,

8 May 2018

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A word or two…

I have started a number of posts attempting to describe where my head’s at these days but I get bored with them after the second paragraph.

They tell me cancer takes over your life. They’re not wrong but it doesn’t mean I want to talk about it. It’s just so boring.

Yet, it’s everywhere, impacts everything.

I’ll just say the chemo drugs and my body are not getting along. I have mysterious fevers and blood work indicating I’m fighting an inflammation of some kind but they can’t find a source.

Until those inflammation indicators come down chemotherapy has been deferred which means cancer has been given a reprieve which is depressing.

Unfortunately the high fevers are exhausting. I sleep a lot. I’m spacey a lot. I read a lot of poetry.

I find my writing a bit banal. I’m never happy with it. It seems off in some way. Sometimes I think I try too hard.

So I just read more and sleep more.

That’s where my head’s at.

Blessings.