She Doesn’t Know

In days
of cold
forgetfulness
her only awareness
is the dog
sleeping
with his head
in her lap

Today
her hair began
the process
of falling out

She was surprised
at how
it made her feel
made her hurt

All part
of the healing
they say

She doesn’t know

How do you
tell the difference
between healing
and destruction

She doesn’t know

She just knows
she has a warm
spaniel
asleep
in her lap
and
the world
couldn’t be
more perfect
Sussex Coast, England

Day 6 of 30 poems in 30 days for Na/GloPoWriMo2018

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The Movement of Time

The past
will creep up on you
when you’re not looking

and slowly
float away
when you are

5 April 2018
Sussex Coast, England

Day 5 of 30 poems in 30 days for Na/GloPoWriMo2018

It’s a short one today because I wrote a longer prose piece earlier and because, you know, life.

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Days of Sound and Silence

Some days
are made
purely of sound
voices
car doors
trolley wheels
squeaking
on concrete

and silence

I let my eyes shut
and I can hear
one dull roar
a cacophony
of sound

until I focus
my attention
on the silences

Our silences
hold our lives
together
give structure
to a world
that becomes
more meaningless
every day

Silence

until my boot
splashes
through a puddle
while a small bird
hidden
in an already
leafy shrubbery
serenades me
as all sound
and all silences
become music

magic
hanging off
one
long
trailing
note

4 April 2018
Sussex Coast, England

Day 4 of 30 poems in 30 days for Na/GloPoWriMe

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You Will Never Forget

Her grandfather’s
old fountain pen
almost
touched
the paper
before
her grip
relaxed
letting it
tumble
out of
her hand
roll across the desk
and onto the floor

The tiniest
of sobs
escaped her lips
her gaze
captured
by her garden
black with night
framed by
whimsical
looking
French doors

If she stared
long enough
let her eyes
go out of focus
just a little
she could
almost see
him there

hear his voice
whispers
against her ear
soft laughter
making her smile
just a little

There are places
experiences
people
you will
never forget

She let
the cold
dark
night
slide
into
her bones
just a little

Losing herself
just a little

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Day 3 of 30 poems in 30 days for Na/GloPoWriMe

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I Must Remember

I want
my life
to be more
than hospitals
and doctors
and nurses
and chemo drips
followed by
antibiotic drips

Outside it is Spring
Inside I monitor
my body
for signs
for omens
for the rustle
of black raven’s wings
for deadly infections

Two days ago
the Moon was heavy
and full
fertile with longing
and need

Tonight
as we walk
exhausted
and empty
out of the
hospital
into
the cold
night air
the moon
is golden
and growing
smaller

I am
overcome
with quiet
bleak
empty
car parks

until a gull
screeches
forlornly
at the Moon

Without thinking
I search
the black skies
for signs
and I shiver
with the cold
shut my eyes
against
too many
tomorrows
against
not enough
tomorrows

and dream
of the feel
of hot sun
on pale skin

It is Spring
outside

I must
remember
that

Day 2 of GloPoWriMo/NaPoWriMo

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2 April 2018
Sussex Coast, England

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Day 2 of 30 poem almost didn’t happen. I spent the day in the hospital with septicaemia (one of the joys of Chemotherapy) and intravenous antibiotics.