Crossroads

It is summer
and I am ill
falling
fast

I am listening
to the blues
to Robert Johnson
and wondering
about crossroads
and old roads
and intersecting paths
and the old ways
chants heard
in lush green leaves
prayers
and blessings
witchcraft

It is summer
and I am surrounded
by roses
and lavender
and geraniums
and hanging baskets
with unknown flowers
cascading
over the sides
like a floral invocation
to unnamed goddesses
everywhere

The wind
blows
in the afternoon
It no longer
plays havoc
with my curls
They’re gone away now
wherever it is
illness takes them

At night the air stills
stars sparkle
and glitter
like you once said
my eyes did

It is summer
and I am surviving

loss
and renewal
and relentless sickness
and time
in all its
temporary majesty

20 June 2018
on the Sussex Coast

C2185BD5-971A-40C3-B2AD-1A42B5055596

the fragility of summer

More thoughts on blackbirds: Chemo ramblings

I think
but I could be wrong

It’s a hard choice to make

but I think
my favourite thing
about summer
is the sound
of blackbirds
singing
just outside
my bedroom window
early in the morning

They’re nesting
in the plum trees
just across
the road

and in my heart.

10 May 2018

The Summer Is Slipping Away

The summer is slipping away
Some days I think you are too
Until I stop and listen to your heart
It’s steady beat inside my heart
A reminder that we are made of magic
You and I, no simple rules of Physics
Time or Space has ever held us

The gentle hum of the ceiling fan
Is distracting and calming
I lift my hand up in the dark night
To reach for the safety of you
and just as I close my eyes
I feel the soft spark, a tingle
as your finger tips touch mine
And your voice whispering in my ear
Voodoo, baby. Show me your magic.
And the soft exhalation of my breath
Makes me dizzy and the night is made
Of falling stars and cosmic promises
And memories of lips touching lips

The present is distracting
and not calming
I want to be strong for you, for us
Not lose myself in my darkness
In hopelessness and so much despair
But mostly I don’t want to take you down
So I wait and listen for your heart beat
And wonder at the whimsical nature of seasons

I wonder
will I always think of this as
The Summer of my discontent
Or will this be the Summer
I fell so hard I tripped myself up
Skinned my knees on life
One too many times
Reaching for falling stars
Reaching for you

I let myself sink into
The comfort of
Cosmic promises
And I wonder if you
And your voodoo magic
Can help me
Make them come true

I want Autumn to slip inside
Turning everything golden
As I climb onto your lap
Bury my face in your neck
And let your arms encircle
My trembling body until
We are just two hearts
Beating

Soundcloud audio recording

Summer Solstice, Avebury 2014
Summer Solstice, Avebury 2014